A good friend, knowing I’d be thoroughly appalled, sent me a link to buy a talking Trump figurine that excretes a collection of 17 recorded droppings from Trump himself.
“It’s like having the President in the same room with you!”
Thanks, Carol. I now have a new definition of Hell.
Upon reflection, however, it occurred to me that this is actually a terrific idea – it just uses the wrong quotes! Our country absolutely needs a version that more accurately reflects the man’s true essence. Not only could the proceeds fund an entire campaign, it would really get under Trump’s skin.
While there’s a plethora of preposterous possibilities, here’s my suggested set of 17 replacement quotes:
- “Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”
- “I won’t have time to play golf if I’m elected president.”
- “He’s not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”
- “I know words. I know the best words.”
- “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”
- “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
- “We have the worst laws.”
- “And when you’re talking about an atmosphere, oceans are very small. And it blows over and it sails over.”
- “I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”
- “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain.”
- “I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in one minute, and is there a way you can do something like that by injection inside.”
- “I know more about ISIS than the generals do.”
- “My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.”
- “Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.”
- “When somebody is the president of the United States, the authority is total.”
- “Anybody that wants a test can get a test.”
- “No, I don’t take responsibility at all.”
Can somebody please send me the link to THIS product?