I recently came across a video of “I Hope I Get It” from A Chorus Line, sung by a large group of dancers, both young and old, as they audition for a job. Each is under immense pressure to perform on-demand; only a few will survive the cuts; each needs to get noticed but must also fit in. Sound familiar?
In fact, I think this should be the format for the next Democratic debate. It would be just as enlightening as the first one but would be profoundly more entertaining. Imagine the Nielsen ratings of a forum where Sanders attempts a double pirouette… where Warren tap dances across the stage… where the whole Democratic field forms a kick line. I dare any network to program against it.
On a related note, I also read a recent article about candidate walk-out music – the song that’s played as a candidate enters an event stage. While the songs can often change during the course of a campaign, here are a few representative examples: Biden uses “We Take Care of Our Own“; Sanders uses “Power to the People“; Harris uses “Work That“; Warren uses “9 to 5“; Trump uses “God Bless the USA”. Most choices are obvious, a few are clever, and none are illuminating.
Using A Chorus Line as the thematic foundation, I decided to give some thought to more informative walk-on songs for a few of the candidates… culled only from well-known musicals.
Why, you ask? Wouldn’t a Venn diagram of people with relevant interests show an intersection awfully close to a null set? Yep. Didn’t I just post a somewhat analogous candidate-to-bourbon list? Yep. But I’ve had a crappy week and this was a pleasant distraction from all sorts of realities. And, well, it’s my blog.
So, here are my choices, complete with video links and lyric excerpts:
Joe Biden: “Don’t Rain on My Parade” from Funny Girl. Who the hell are all these other people?
Don’t tell me not to fly
I’ve simply got to
If someone takes a spill
It’s me and not you
Who told you you’re allowed
To rain on my parade
Bernie Sanders: “I’m Still Here” from Company. Yes, Bernie. We know.
Good times and bum times
I’ve seen them all and my dear
I’m still here
Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer
But I’m here
Amy Klobuchar: “Mister Cellophane” from Chicago. This may be just a tad too on the nose.
Cellophane, Mister Cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there
Pete Buttigieg: “I Believe in You” from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. Give this a couple of minutes. The star will eventually sing a love song to himself but the number opens with a chorus of his peers trying to figure out how to stop him. And, hey, doesn’t Pete look just a bit like Robert Morse?
You have the cool, clear
Eyes of a seeker of wisdom and truth
Yet there’s that upturned chin
And that grin of impetuous youth
Oh, I believe in you
I believe in you
Kamala Harris: “On My Own” from Les Misérables. Stay with me here. Imagine that the guy she’s singing about is a typical Democratic voter in a middle-America swing state. And note that the singer doesn’t survive to the finale.
I love him, but every day I’m learning
All my life, I’ve only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that’s full of happiness
That I have never known
I love him, I love him, I love him
But only on my own
Elizabeth Warren: “We’re In the Money” from Gold Diggers of 1933 and 42nd Street. The perfect song for the candidate who hasn’t seen a spending program she doesn’t like.
We’re in the money, come on, my honey
Let’s lend it, spend it, send it rolling along
Beto O’Rourke & Julián Castro: “Agony” from Into the Woods. This is a duet with two princes lamenting their lack of progress toward their respective goals, even though each is absolutely perfect and obviously deserving.
Agony, beyond power of speech
When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of your reach
Marianne Williamson & Andrew Yang: “If They Could See Me Now” from Sweet Charity. These folks always knew they’d be going home alone. They’re really kind of surprised to still be at the party.
All I can say is “Wow!”
Hey, look at where I am
Tonight I landed, pow!
Right in a pot of jam
What a setup, holy cow!
They’d never believe it
If my friends could see me now
Kirsten Gillibrand, Cory Booker, & Michael Bennet: “It’s A Hard Knock Life” from Annie. The orphan Senators get a group number.
‘Steada treated, we get tricked
‘Steada kisses, we get kicked
It’s a hard-knock life
All Other Democrats: “Who Am I Anyway?” from A Chorus Line. Technically, this isn’t a song. It’s just a short coda for “I Hope I Get It”. Seems appropriate on so many levels.
Who am I anyway?
Am I my resume?
That is a picture of a person I don’t know
What does he want from me?
What should I try to be?
So many faces all around, and here we go
I need this job, oh God, I need this show
Howard Schultz: “Be A Clown” from The Pirate. I’ll go out on a limb here and call this choice self-explanatory.
If you become a farmer you’ve the weather to buck
If you become a gambler you’ll be stuck with your luck
But Jack you’ll never lack if you can quack like a duck
Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown
Donald Trump: “Razzle Dazzle” from Chicago. Go ahead. Tell me this isn’t a great choice.
Give ’em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather ’em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting?
Razzle dazzle ’em
And they’ll never catch wise